When there is someone slow driving in front of me I assume two things, that they are either:

A.) Drunk

B.) Old

I’ve realized I can tell A from B by two factors.

1.) The time of day it is

2.) Whether or not the car has an antenna ball

If you’re between the hours of 9 a.m. and 5 p.m., it’s probably just B. Unless it’s Thursday through Sunday, then it can be A at really any time. Especially in this valley, where the only other thing to do besides go sit in the Wal-Mart parking lot and make fun of people for weekend entertainment is to hit the local dive bar.

If there’s an antenna ball on the car, it is most DEFINITELY B. No self-respecting drunk has an antenna ball, unless it’s an empty can of Miller.

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