I am a ninja.

Here, I’ll prove it to you.


A food ninja. I love getting balls deep in avocados. And I don’t even care how dirty that sounds.

I’ve come to find that the words “avocado” and “soup” should not go together, at all. I attempted to make such thing this past weekend and every time I looked at the finished product I straight-up gagged. Why? Because it looks like this.


Look, I love the taste and smell of avocados, as well as peppers, which were another major factor in this recipe. What I don’t love is that once you combine all this with chicken broth, heavy cream, and spices, it turns into a gloppy mess that made my stomach lurch as soon as I took the lid off the food processor.


Come on. It looks like Gak. If I stuck my finger in there hard enough it’d probably make a fart noise.

I, in fact, did stick my finger in for a little taste and it was ok, even though it was obviously warm and you’re supposed to serve it chilled. I thought I’d let it chill overnight and try again in the morning but no – as soon as I pulled the container out of the fridge I had the urge to throw up. Or walk down the steps using only fingers and toes, but WHATEVER. Point is, I’m not eating it.

I also rubbed my eye the morning after I made it and it started burning like hell, which made me realize I must have missed some pepper substance as I washed my hands off the night before.

Screw cooking.


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